So Many Questions – Original Writing

Here I was again, watching the activities of form 15, Hazelnut Gardens. How can I sit here lie withing there is a nonher one of me inwardly that ho role? She does not raze kat once I exist. The clouds clapped with th bring the stairs and the front end admission was now starting to fade as the mist and rain covered the machine windows. The heating was not working fast large to clear the windscreen of my ancient, breakdated car so I persistent that tonight was not the night.While driving home I anchor it lowering to get over the fact that I hadnt achieved my demeanor history objective. Where was I to go from here? I had c alled her galore(postnominal) times before save hearing her voice filled me with panic, my life would be over if she rejects me, there would be no one here. Night after night with any weather I would sit and watch any fulminant activities coming from the house. Driving home through the hard bullets of rain was a struggle. I was trying to plan bu lge my next es regularize, if I didnt outmatch this one then my out passage battle through out the category to secure my degree would be wasted.Socratic Seminar QuestionsHowever, there was much to my life than education. life-time was complicated difficult to unders convertd. No one knew the trauma I had been through going from home to home, parents to parents, I could neer settle. I managed to entice myself through and now I was at long last overcoming the tough times entirely she had always been there at the back of my mind. I didnt know anything close to her, her wonderful life with her parents the life I never had.The sudden grizzle of my brakes warned eitherone I was back. As I dawdled up the stairs, my eyes scanned the body politic almost me to find broken bottles and graffiti fixed to the damp brick walls. Compared to her house, my lilliputian flat was an utter disgrace. Claustrophobia was not an option when entering the welcoming residence of my freezing flat. It was uniform the Artic in there. Strolling through ignoring the piles of books and work, I collapsed onto the faltering out, threadbare sofa. What was I to do now? I had spent so long finding her finding where she lived. She never knew about me. She never knew she had me. She never knew I was there for her. She never knew she had soulfulness who looked exactly akin her, someone who felt her pain.I found it hard to plan my essay at a time I had become conscious that tomorrow was an important day. tomorrow was Thursday. Tomorrow was their weekly ritual their weekly shop. How was I to see her again without her noticing me? Or did I necessitate her to see me?Once again I sit, waiting. The door was starting to open now, slowly like a door to a haunted house. Out stepped a tall enter of a girl. She was the resembling age as me I knew that much. She was slim and was wearing jeans and some multifariousness of black jacket which covered most of her upper body, she was wearing steep leg boots, and they suited her and her perfect, pampered self. A smile stretched across her face as she held keys up in the air. Another womanly precisely plump figure followed her out and shut the front door crumb her. They walked towards their expensive car at the front of the house, they talked and giggled without a care in the world. Starting the locomotive at once they drove off laughing to each other.The temperateness was just starting to sleep and the dark skies were moving in. The sky was a gorgeous purple colour, and pink mirrored of the clouds. It was as if the sky was reflecting their feelings, further not my feelings, I wasnt jolly and pink, I was curious and dull, watching her every night made me postulate to be a rive of her even so more, it was so hard sitting here knowing she had me, who call fored to be part of her life. It was so unfair. The dark shadow of the house crawled across the floor and hid all signs of me and my car. Starting up my engine I f ollowed behind them. I knew where they were going so I went straight there, taking short cuts where needed. I waited in the car park for them to arrive so once again I could watch, listen, and pick up anymore details I needed to know about her.I sauntered through the aisles with my half empty trolley, I looked around at the high shelves which seemed to tower over me and enclose me as I entered. Trying not to make it obvious as I looked her up and down, when I surreptitiously passed her. As I painstakingly walked along feeling aimlessly at the high shelves which surrounded me from all sides, trying not to be tempted, she looked at me oblivious while I hid my face under my hat. It wasnt the right time for it to happen.I started to read a magazine as I waited for them to leave. I was like a lion waiting for its feed in the long fresh grass, watching and listening. In my car I sit, desolate once again. How long can I stay like this? Surely she would soon notice me. How can I introduce myself? Life was more complicated than it should be. No one else had problems like me not even her. As I flicked through the magazines peoples life stories were flashed in front of me. moreover they all had got over their traumatic or happy experiences. She looked like me to that extent was so different, in so many ways.My identity was vague and as I queried it even more it just seemed to disappear. I yawned and let out a tremendous moan. why is this so hard for me? I take away spent so long trying to find her and now I am too scared to even go up to her and say Hi. The cars beeped as I sunk into oblivion, the lights passed me in a blur, the road signs were gone, and the nimbus was black. The loud boom of a lorry brought me back to consciousness, tiredness overcame me. I need to tell her who I am, why should I live my life like this, seeing her every night til now never apothegm anything. Should I call her? Shall I meet up with her? What do I do? What do I say?So many questi ons yet no answers appeared. I picked up the phone, shaking, frightened and perturbed. I patiently press the immensely small buttons and held the receiver to my face. My heart started pumping hard. The dial up started, it was as if my life machine was suddenly dead. Skipping a few heart beat out until she verbalize,Hello,I moved my lips yet no sound was heard. I had hold up out of battery and the phone was still talking its monstrously elegant voice.Hello, is anyone there?The dial up sounded again. She was gone. It was over so quickly, yet it seemed so long. A few words spoken, but there were so many more to say. The most words Ill probably ever hear from her, but I essential to hear her again. I want her to know who I am. I want her to be part of my life and I want to be part of her lifeHere I am again. With a plan. Watching and waiting while I secretly hide, out of sight, but not for so long, I hope. The door opens for the last time. She stands unique and solitary. She counte d her notes in her purse while she lingered for her get again. They pass. I wait then I go. I know where she is going. I follow them past the invade highroads. Coming close-hauled to the centre, buses and taxis everywhere, there were many families and friends out together, on a social trip. Theyre periodic retail therapy had arrived.As they walked together, arms locked tight, I followed soundlessly. Under my hat I hide. Once again I look trying not to be tempted. I loitered about trying not to look suspicious. I felt as if I was about to commit a crime. How do I start? Where do I start? How can I apologise just how I feel? The closer I got the more I wanted to speak to her. I had prepared myself for so long and now I was finally completing my life ambition and it was all contingency too fast. The world was spinning all too rapidly.As they set-apart and singled off into different shops I still follow her. I try to be an actress, performing innocent and pretending to be intere sted in the clothes. She grabs numerous items and throws them over her arm. If only I could do the same. If only I could treat myself like she can. Ive never had a life like hers. A life where I could have what I wanted, when I wanted. However, I didnt want her for her money I wanted her in my life. I wanted her to want me. What if she didnt? What if she rejects me? What if she doesnt want to see me ever again? She might not even remember me, she might not even know.The shop wasnt as busy as I had hoped.As I tiptoed into the dressing room behind her. My legs were like jelly, My head was spinning. What should I do? What should I say? The temper was welcoming and comfortable. I sat there waiting, whispering to myself. My head down still with my cap on, picturing her face as I told her. whole that came to me was a picture of disbelief of doubt. My whole life felt like it depended on this moment. Would life get better? Or worse? My susceptibility was being sucked away, through the ch air, down the chair legs and draining into the floor. All use of my language had gone. Holding onto my protrude I clutched so tight. The minutes seemed like hours and the world stopped. The curtain opened. I heard it swish, slowly face up. I byword her. She was about the same height as me, with long brown hair just like mine. We were exactly the same. She came out twirling towards the mirror opposite. As her trousers dragged along the floor she pulled down her soft jumper. Checking her hair and make -up she took a close look in the mirror. Her eyes filled with disbelief as I looked up to find her staring at me. My heart stopped. Clutching my bag even tighter.Who are you? wherefore do you look like me? Why are you here? she barked, she walked closer, looking at me from head to toe, her mouth was entire open.Her eyes still staring into mine. She looked as white as me, her tan had vanished. Her face was drained. I tired to push my words out, I spoke so quietly she could hardly hea r me.You dont know who I am, but I know a lot about you. Your so-called mother probably hasnt told you about me. I look like you because I am you. I am a part of you your twin. I took a whopping gulp and tried to continue.She turned around and unexpectedly I saw a tear appear from her left eyes. Why was she crying? Did she want me to carry on? I stared with doubt, this is not how I planned it. I carried on.You see, I have the same parents as you, but when we were born we were unaffectionate and you were taken to one family while I was taken to many families. I never had a life like you. I know this is hard to take in but Ive been looking for you for most of my teen days and now I have finally found you and you look scared.She stood there, speechless. What else was I supposed to say? That was my story in a nutshell.How did you find me? Why did you find me? What do you want from me? she blurted out.This was not the answer I was looking for I tried to explain to her that I wanted to be a part of her life but I could tell she didnt want anything to do with me. I was right she had rejected me. My life had crashed. I stood up crap to walk out.Wait she cried I cant just let you walk out on me again. I do know about you. Of course I do. I found out myself about four years ago. I tried to find you but I had no luck. I am so glad youre here. I look scared because you did scare me. I never knew you looked so much like me. Ive finally found the babe Ive been wantingAt long last I had found someone. psyche who really did want me in their life not like the encourage parents who only looked after me because they felt sorry for me. I had been dragged from the crash rescued. My wounds had heal all at once. My energy was pumped back into me. I finally had the answers I was looking for.Here I am again. Watching the activities of number 15, Hazelnut Gardens. However, this time Im watching from the inside. Inside the warm, comfortable living room. So this is what a real f amily feels like I thought. There were no more questions. They had all been answered. My mind was at peace.